URGENT: Based on recent reports (English/ Arabic), we are compelled to issue the following health and safety warning to all Egyptian females:
A vicious mutation of a virus commonly known as "Rabid Heat" has been recently detected in downtown Cairo and is giving experts reason to believe that it may have spread into a full blown epidemic. Found in all males, the virus remains harmless in its dormant state. Under certain conditions of mutual consent, the virus has even proven useful, however, if left to ravage the body, the virus causes excess releases of testosterone which disrupts the flow of oxygen to the brain, closing off nerve synapses and shutting down all brain activity which inevitably leads men to behave like rabid dogs in heat.
Scientists cite strong moral fiber and respect for women as the only deterrent to the virus's horrid symptoms. As Egypt's stock of these remedies are in short supply, Downtown is hereby declared an infested zone and women are urgently requested to carry mace and exercise extreme caution for the remaining days of the eid holiday.
The writer of this warning is, saddened, sickened and enraged but most of all sorry for the inconvenience caused; we're hopeful that newer modified versions of the Egyptian male will hit markets soon.